My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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