well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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