i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
