I'm laying in your front yard are you home
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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