I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize