Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We got so high we made milksteak
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
