eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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