She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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