five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
