If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
