thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
