nut hugger
Will you blow on my dice?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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