Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
