Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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