And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
