Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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