He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
