literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
