You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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