She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
