I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
