The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize