So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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