Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
