just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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