Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
