Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
