Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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