the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
