I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
