when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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