Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
pray to the hookup gods
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
