The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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