based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
