We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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