We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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