Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
