You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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