Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
