Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
