Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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