I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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