i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize