what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
