Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
