bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
