Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
