so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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