Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
