all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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