Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
