I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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