i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
