Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
