Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
