I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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