can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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