if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
