It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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