after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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