Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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