I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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