Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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