just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
