I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
