An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
