i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
