Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
last night I used snow as a chaser
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
