Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
