The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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