my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize