Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
